Over the past few years, and especially over the past few weeks, I've come to an understanding of what items are absolutely essential in any girl's (or guy's?) bag. They are as follows:
1.) A LITTLE UMBRELLA
On a Friday Night: Rain, it's raining!? OH NO my HAIR!....(arrive at party looking like a frizzball). Should've brought an umbrella.
Any given day in the Winter in NE America: Is...is it icing? Or snowing? Or raining?....Ow...OW that's ice. FUCK.
2.) A PLASTIC BAG
New Years Eve: Oh shit, Leah's gonna puke on the train....good thing I have this plastic bag handy!
On a trip to the city: Well it's a good thing I remembered my umbrella, it was pouring! Oh...wait, now what do I do with this wet umbrella? Can't put it back in my bag...man I wish there was something I could put it in!...like a plastic bag!....
3.) A MIRROR
With a friend: Hey do you have a mirror?
By yourself, anywhere: I hope my mascara/eyeliner/lipstick didn't smudge.
On a date: (thinks to self) I'll just casually look in my bag while simultaneously checking my mirror for poppy seeds in my teeth. Smooth.
4.) HAND SANITIZER
After riding the subway: I feel dirty. *Whips out hand sanitizer* Much better.
After using the bathroom while on a date: It'll take too long to wash my hands now that I spent all this time taking a shit, better just use hand sanitizer...I don't want him knowing girls actually poop.
Before eating: There's no fucking chance I'm gonna get swine flu.
5.) TISSUES
In the Fall/Winter: Gotta blow my nose.
After spilling coffee in your car: DAMMIT where are those tissues....
After doing naughty things: well...you know.
Seriously, folks. Don't leave home without them.
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